that after one text you stop talking
that our conversations have long pauses
that you'd rather spend your afternoons with others, because its too awkward for us
that I haven't seen you in almost two weeks

You know what July 12th would have been.
10 months
or 6 weeks

But of course
I'm not worth it.

I've been wondering lately why guys don't want to keep me around.
Because even with love involved, here I am again, alone and heartbroken and ashamed.

Maybe I'm pushy
Demanding
Ugly
Clingy
Or maybe it's because I say no

You know what else?
Even though you left me
again
and claim it was for other reasons besides us,
a very wise person told me
that if you cared about me enough
you would have stayed.

You would have put through with the complications with others
And said "I love you and I want to be with you and I'm not going anywhere, no matter what other people think."

And you know what? You did say that to me. Tuesday, June 16th. 3 weeks ago.

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I wish I knew how to fix me